Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
