was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
