we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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