Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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