i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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