Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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