I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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