I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
