idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
