Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
