I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
