i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
