Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
