Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
