so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
