girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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