Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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