If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize