Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
