I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
