You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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