Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
