Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
