Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
