Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
