Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
