either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
