jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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