I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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