I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize