too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
