The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
wow bdsm is so cute
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