Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
