well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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