I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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