Your face is a jimmy john
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
