I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm passing your future prison.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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