Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
