Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
time to smoke my breakfast
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
