great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
