Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
