What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
