Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
