i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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