Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
