addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
