I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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