So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
