FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
