Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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