My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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