at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
