Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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