go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
