I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i will never coherently bang her
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
