At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
