hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
