Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
