you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
