how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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