Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
