the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
