I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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