At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
