did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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