I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
