Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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