Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
